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Ashley’s of Rockledge

Friday 21 September, 2018
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Ashley's Of Rockledge - Rockledge - 0 Stars

"Swill Alert"

On July 18, 2018 the name Ashley's popped up on the random restaurant generator list. I momentarily remembered the few times I had been here previously. All of my prior memories were positive, though it has also been over 20 years since I last dined at this restaurant, which has been open over 60 years. What happened next was an encounter that will stain those memories as well as the history of this long-standing restaurant.

As I stared down intently at my meal, my guts simmered with rage over how despicable and embarrassing the food I was served. I thought long and hard as I drove home about some way I could easily convey to my readers to stay away from food that is total slop. Food so bad a pig farmer would be scared to feed his animals. Like a bolt of lightning it came to me...."Swill Alert."

You may be thinking to yourselves, "wait, there have been previous Swill Alerts. So how did you say come up with the idea of the Swill Alert now?" You are correct. On July 18th I was 90 days behind. Now, thankfully, that time lag has been cut to 45 days. So while I applied the idea retroactively, it was fomented here at this sad, pathetic excuse for a restaurant.

My close friend, Andy, had been wanting to accompany me on a review. Things never lined up right until Ashley's. We talked, laughed, and truly enjoyed the company. However, once the food started coming, all the fun stopped. One constant I have noticed is that for some reason, the worst-rated establishments have the best servers and vice versa. However, breaking even this standard, our server Shelby was listless and uncaring. It was clear that she was just there punching a clock. When I encounter these sloth-like restaurant staff I always think back to the diner scene in "Reservoir Dogs" and start agreeing mentally with Mr. Pink. Andy wondered what her problem was. I replied, "I don't know, but usually when servers are incompetent, the food is really good."

I ordered their "world famous" Prime Rib with red cabbage and a salad with blue cheese. The salad came out with ripped pieces of iceberg lettuce, two sad tomatoes, and a courtesy cut of purple onion. By this point I had decided I would no longer consume iceberg lettuce as it is the lines of least resistance to a restaurateur. However, I dipped a tomato into the dressing and noticed the Blue Cheese was nice. Then my prime rib showed up, and the conversation went something like this:

Big Boy: What in the world has happened to it?

Shelby: What?

BB: This has been microwaved!

Shelby: Yeah, to warm it up.

BB: You have got to be kidding me.

Shelby: So I guess you don't want it?

Amazingly, she took it off the bill, but at this point, a manager came over and started to brow beat me over the Prime Rib. It was then that I revealed who I was and explained the wool over the eyes trick they must perform on people stops with me here. She turned and walked away in a huff. Andy and I trudged out to the muddy parking lot and decided to try again soon.

This is an original, true "Swill Alert," being the genesis of this unfortunately growing category of restaurants. The Big Boy says, avoid this joint like the plague. #bigboydiningout
#iamthebigboy