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Azteca II

Monday 10 September, 2018
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Azteca II - Cocoa Beach- .5 Stars

"Swill Alert"

It was bound to happen sooner than later, though I would have preferred later. After a string of excellent meals in my quest to review all restaurants within the tri-county area, I was going to hit a place that served food that I wouldn't serve to a serial killer on death row.

Azteca II, in Cocoa Beach, FL turned out to be that place today. I should have been clued in by the competency, or lack thereof, of the wait staff. My server this day was a nice enough lad named, Cash, however, as nice as he was I have to say that he was either way off his ball game today or exceedingly daft, or perhaps a combination of the two. Either way, he completely messed up my order.

I ordered a glass of ice water, a Scotch and their #7 Combo meal, their famed Azteca Supreme which consists of 1 Cheese Chile Relleno, 1 Ground Beef Taco, 1 Tamale, 1 Beef Enchilada and a Tossed Salad with house dressing. He then he asked me if I wanted lemon with my water or my Scotch. I replied with, "No thank you I don't like lemon in my water or my Scotch." When he returned a few moments later with my drinks I noticed there was not only a lemon slice in my water, but also in my Scotch. I know, I should have gotten up and left right then and there, but I was hungry and working, so I decided to stay and at least try their grub.

You know the meal is going to suck big time when the best thing about it is the salad dressing. Their dressing was incredibly savory, flavorful and delicious; however, it sat atop a heap of crappy, semi-wilted iceberg lettuce and a pre-shredded "Mexican" cheese mixture of cheddar and Monterey jack (like the one you buy at the supermarket for taco night at home), some canned black olives and a tomato wedge were thrown in for good measure. Again, it was a real shame as that dressing rocked my palate.

Still not listening to that inner voice urging me to get up and run fast and far, I turned my attention and my appetite towards my combo plate. The re-fried beans were obviously microwaved on the plate, while at the correct temperature they were topped with the same prefabricated "Mexican cheese" to be found on the aforementioned salad. In fact, this crappy mixture topped everything. The Relleno was spongy, mealy and gross on the palate, the meat in the burrito had turned bad (you could tell as it was mugging the processed "Mexican" rice at gunpoint), the taco shell was also obviously heated in the microwave as it was a bit chewy and filled with bad meat as it was acting as lookout for the burrito, the enchilada was mushy and the sauce was obviously canned as it had the flavor and color that only comes from industrialized food.

Glancing over at a table near me, I noticed the guacamole the people were using on their chips. It was also obviously not made on site and came from a food purveyor pre-made. Guess who their food supplier is? If you guessed Sysco after reading what crap it was, give yourself a gold star. If you didn't, you need to read more of my reviews!

The Big Boy says, "Avoid this place like someone with the plague." #bigboydiningout
#iamthebigboy