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Brasas Grill

Wednesday 05 December, 2018
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Brasas Grill - Merritt Island- 1 Star

"Rock ya'all, No stop ya'll, To the beat ya'all, The bodyrock ya'll." - Moby

Walking into Brasas Grill at 7:00pm on a Thursday, I went from expecting a Brazilian Steakhouse to realizing I was at a rave from the 1990's. This clip joint, that apparently was a Chinese restaurant previously, was blaring hard techno music so loud my ears were dripping blood.

Our server came over and attempted three times to introduce himself. I never could get his name because the music was so loud. I wrote on my notepad I wanted a scotch neat. He nodded acknowledgement and left. I looked around and noticed we were the only patrons. With the Chinese restaurant decor, the mealy salad bar, and the blaring Tall Paul techno, I started to believe I was in a Fran├žois Truffaut French New Wave movie. The server came back with the weakest pour I have seen in a long time. At this point I was flabbergasted and literally screamed, "if you don't turn the music down, I'm leaving and leaving a negative review" just on these few minutes' experience. At that point the server, name still unknown, disappeared. Mercifully, the volume was lowered. I never saw server unknown again.

The next person out of the box was a ruddy looking chap named Eddie, who identified himself as the owner. He promptly attempted to intimidate, which may work on the average person, but I was having none of it. I stood up to look him in the eye and he said, "don't you ever threaten me." I laughed and said that blaring techno is ridiculous. He then exclaimed the customers love it, as I pointed around the room I said "Really? Because we are the only people in the place."

Eddie said he was sorry then told us to help ourselves to the buffet. Now I have seen some scary buffets in my life, but I have never seen one where the majority of the items had a white film across the surface indicating a need for a replacement. Out of 40-plus selections, there was not a single edible item - at least none I was willing to take a risk and consume. Eddie was a ghost and I couldn't find him. I gulped the cheap Inver House 3/4 ounce served me and left $20.00 in cash. I was tempted to just walk out but getting arrested was not something I was interested in doing this evening.

But wait, loyal readers, the evening did not end there. My date and I exited the dive. As I got to my vehicle, Eddie came outside and said he wanted to fight. I said, "oh really?," because clearly, that is how you handle managing a lousy establishment by stalking your customers to their car and trying to initiate a fight. I started to head towards this clown, but my date grabbed me and whispered, "he is not worth going to jail." I smiled thanked her and got in the Rover and took off.

Big Boy says, "unhinged owner, scary food, and BLARING techno music makes this a no-go."

#iamthebigboy #bigboydiningout