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Longboards Tiki Beach Grille

Saturday 14 July, 2018
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Longboards Tiki Beach Grille- Cocoa Beach- 2 Stars

Nothing is lasting but change; nothing perpetual but death- Borne.

Just off the beach near the Cocoa Beach Hilton sits a Cocoa Beach landmark, Longboards Tiki Beach Grille. With outdoor seating offering picturesque beach views, fire pits and tiki torches, one certainly gets the feeling of being in Polynesia.

My server, Lyndsey, while prompt was a total airhead with a minimal knowledge of the menu and moved so slowly I thought I was in an episode of Baywatch. I started my culinary adventure with a Kentucky Mule from the well-stocked bar. The bar was misleading as I don't know what I was served, but I do know a Kentucky Mule is called that as it is supposed to kick like a mule, not taste like the posterior of said animal! This swill was horrid.

I awaited my food order with apprehensive anticipation. I had ordered the Cajun dusted Sea Scallops along with the Stoked Island Fish Tacos. The scallops were slightly overcooked (not completely rubbery, but a tad chewier than called for) and served with a roasted red and yellow pepper couli. The Cajun spices were on point as the couli was not unlike a mix of hot sauce and spicy mustard and was joyful, albeit spicy, on the palate. My main course arrived and I immediately asked myself, "Who serves potato chips with tacos?" I shrugged and began eating. The chips were stale with the consistency of damp cardboard and a taste appropriate to salty damp cardboard. There is a reason traditional fish tacos are made with a white fish and not a dark fish such as Salmon. Not only was the Salmon overcooked, but the flavor completely threw any balance the meal may have had with corn tortillas off.

These had to be some of the most disgusting tacos I have ever stuck in my pie hole. Flour tortillas would have helped, but I don't think anything could have saved these. Big Boy says, "Come to Longboards Tiki Beach Grille for a beer and the view, but dine elsewhere."