Baci Trattoria

Sunday 13 January, 2019

Baci Trattoria- Vero Beach/Downtown- 5-Stars

"Top 5 Breakfast" THIS IS WORTH A DRIVE!!!

"I've paid my dues time after time / I've done my sentence, but committed no crime" -Queen

The Big Boy has been driven Stone Cold Crazy by undeservedly paying time after time for so many subpar breakfasts in Florida and was all set and ready to say "The Egg and Bye" to his quest for the perfect version of the most important meal of the day, when he stumbled upon the breakfast of champions right here in Vero Beach! If all were right in this universe, Baci Trattoria would be rich enough to buy the rights and blare "We Are the Champions" from a megaphone jutting out from a snazzy dot matrix sign towering over this Seaside Rendezvous called Vero Beach!

The first clue that would tell you that this is no ordinary breakfast, but in the eyes of Joe Biden a BIG meal, is the name Baci - Italian for "kisses." An Italian theme is plastered all over the incredibly inventive Italo-Southern fusion breakfast menu including bread spiedini, an Italian salad, and cannoli pancakes, and even the black overhangs below the ceiling bearing the Sophia Loren quote "Everything you see, you owe to spaghetti," to the point where you might just start randomly blurting out "Mamma Mia let me go" and getting "GALILEO" yelled repeatedly in your ears in rapid-fire succession. To find out that owners the Fulchinis are born and raised Italians and Mrs. Fulchini is a professional home renovator and interior and graphic designer was about as much of a surprise as Freddie Mercury coming out. Mrs. Fulchini's motto is "food, family and design," and it shows in the familial atmosphere and superbly detailed interior. Even more smartly, they play up their Italian heritage by speaking in Italian whenever the opportunity arises and marketing Baci as an Italian restaurant by afternoon, but one that just happens to have better breakfast than any other No Name Nonna you can find in this un-cavallo città! These folks met at a car dealership - maybe they ought to work on Fiats so I could buy one and be a proud bachelor carving up l'autostrada with the radio blaring out "I'm In Love with My Car!"

The server Marie was an incredibly charming and warm human being, a true "Sweet Lady" who started off this Italian Rhapsody on a "good note." Her hospitality made me feel perfectly at home in a trattoria serving Southern-style breakfasts, a cultural mélange producing a much finer version of a chicken and biscuit than you'd find at The Refinery: lathered with black pepper-dusted rich gravy and served with properly seasoned potatoes for a carb overload that'll no doubt put you heavily "Under Pressure" to maintain your diet!

Because a trattoria is basically a peasant food establishment, the grits are helpfully named "peasant grits pot," but yet the stainless lid does not hide the Deep South's version of end-of-the month ramen, but a stunningly creative pile of seemingly everything - a spinach and bacon topping a pimento cheese-infused heaping bowl of grits oozing with eggs cooked as you please, dusted lightly with chives like they were green cherries on top! By now all thoughts of health food are long gone and one can only brace for a "Sheer Heart Attack!"

Recently Baci made local news when two kid versions of me ordered a "Chunky Monkey" breakfast and left with rave reviews. They learned the truth many years earlier than me - you'll feel like a Chunky Monkey when you're done eating all this food. But you must find the will to carry on - The Show Must Go On!

"So don't stop me now / Don't stop me / Cause I'm having a good time"

If you do find the will, then you will find there is a way as soon as you greedily eye the aforementioned cannoli pancake. One of the greatest culinary creations you'd ever even dream of seeing in the AM hours. Just imagine this. Two pancakes, one folded over cannoli filling, topped with more cannoli, fruit, powdered sugar and chocolate sauce. And that is exactly what you will get.

Homemade pancakes fluffier than Shakira's curls in a balsam bath? Check.
Thick creamy filling sweeter than Oprah on ketamine? Check!
Fresh strawberry redder than Rihanna's hair on Mars? Check!!
Oozy chocolate sauce richer than Donald Trump with a tax exemption? CHECK AND MATE!!

Am I done, folks? I've got a lot of reviewing to do, but I could feel like I am done. What greater height is there to aspire to? When you eat something this tremendously good, you could be inspired to keep looking for the next gem, or get distracted from your quest to review it all because everything else pales so much that all you think after paying the check is "Another One Bites the Dust." Once you have tasted Baci's breakfast, every time henceforth you will hear the words "Who Wants to Live Forever?"

The Big Boy says,
"It's truly real life
It's not just fantasy
It wins by a landslide
This breakfast from Italy"