Bagel World Deli & Coffee Cafe

Wednesday 19 September, 2018

Bagel World Deli & Coffee- 2 Stars- Satellite Beach

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen." -- 2 Sam, 1:25

Once upon a time, there was this very hard working guy who bought into the American Dream and more than anything wanted to run his own Bagel Shop. After decades of sacrifice and hard work, the man finally achieved his goal and Beachside Bagel World was a resounding success. Now, the sad part, our hero retired and sold his beloved noshery to some dipsomaniacal kids fading in and out of awareness by the moment. I say this with confidence as when you click on the link to contact them on their FaceBook page you are redirected to the Bagel World (not related) in Massachusetts!

What was once an enchanting little Bagel place, under the tutelage of our hard-working entrepreneur, is now a dark, dismal place awaiting the arrival of GWAR, or a similar Death Metal band.

Warily approaching the counter, I placed my order with Alyssa. Alyssa came off as a bon vivant who looks and acts like the final act of a terrible play (think Moose Murders). Catching her attention, I quickly placed my order of 1 Toasted Egg Bagel with Turkey, Swiss and tomato along with 1 Peanut Butter and Jelly bagel for my trusty comrade in cutlery.

Retiring to an empty table, we awaited our order. Sadly, this gave me more time to look around and this only deepened my feeling of impending doom (who paints the inside of their restaurant black?). Thankfully, we didn't have to wait too long and were soon gazing at our eats. I must say first off that the Egg Bagel was toasted to an optimal golden brown, however, it all fell apart after that. The turkey was not only processed but mealy as well, the Swiss cheese, while not completely bad, was past its prime as the edges were just starting to turn hard. As most five-year-olds on the planet can make a toasted bagel with PB & J, I have no complaints on this order.

I was introduced to the manager on duty, Savannah, after she noticed I did not eat my bagel and inquired as to why. Asking me told me that she was very dedicated to her job, so I told her in the Big Boy Dining Out way of the unfettered reality that her bagel sucked. The meat was processed and mealy and the cheese was past its prime. Needless to say, she was unhappy with my comments and instead of doing all she could to make our experience a favorable one, proceeded to confront me in a very unprofessional way. This only worked in pre dispositioning our memory to be unfavorable, to say the least.

This was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. From this point on, The Big Boy will not, I say again, NOT, be reviewing any more bagel places. I just can't succumb myself to anymore atrocious bagel sandwiches.

The Big Boy says, "The old grey mare ain't what she used to be. Skip this place for it has fallen mightily."