Cheers Seafood & Grill

Monday 13 August, 2018

Cheers Seafood & Grill - Rockledge - 1 Star

No problem! No problem. No problem? "No Problem"

I never realized until I met my server at Cheers how many different ways this term could be used. Dominique was actually a very wonderful and conscientious server. She was prompt, friendly, and cared about her job, the lone bright spot in the restaurant. I arrived at 7:00pm and the bar was full, but the restaurant itself was empty, which was a rather foreboding sign. After I arrived at my table, I heard one couple seated behind me who were grousing about how bad their food tasted. I think they were doing it loud enough so I could hear them complain.

Cheers Seafood & Grill has blatantly infringed on the Cheers brand, even with their sign inside being an exact replica from the television show. I am amazed they have not been sued by Warner Brothers by this time. Anyway, none of this really matters in the scheme of things, because what was more appallingly worse than the food (I will get there soon enough) was a guy with zero, I mean ZERO, personality conducting a "Name That Tune" game entangled with Bingo to create an atmosphere of boring cacophony assaulting your ears. If I had come here for any reason other than to review the restaurant I would have left immediately, but I drove to Rockledge for this purpose, so I steeled my resolve to push on.

The menu is very creative - so much so that I was thinking if the owner's idea of some unfunny clown screaming letters into a microphone and blaring 4 seconds of a song would be a big draw, there was no way he/she was gonna pull off this kind of menu successfully.

Dominique told me it was happy hour for one more minute, so I ordered a scotch neat. I received 1/2 an ounce of scotch for an unreasonable $4.00. I scratched my head and moved on. I ordered sesame-seared tuna with Asian slaw as well as the catfish. I don't see catfish very often, and apparently I wasn't going to see it here either, as they served me fried cod instead. I asked the server what happened, and she looked at the dupe and it said catfish. She went in the back and asked, and they told her they are out of catfish. I mean what rube of a customer do you have that you think you can pass cod off as catfish? They didn't even have the professionalism to state they were out of catfish and offer cod as an alternative - they just hoped I wouldn't notice. Then I was thinking, "why does this stuff happen to me?" She was going to take the cod away, but I asked her to let me taste it first. Once I did, I understood why I got this cod: It was so old it was actually retro. But seriously, it was terrible. I could not even cut it - how bad is a fish that you can't even cut into it? The tuna was bad as well, enough that I actually spit it out. The Asian slaw was the sole saving grace of the meal and the only reason this restaurant is not on the Swill Alert. It was seasoned properly and tasted fine.

This place really is the pits. I am not certain why or even how this place is open. It is bad, bad, bad, bad. No problem? Yes, big problems. Listen to the Big Boy because I should have listened to the people behind me. The food here is so terrible you may not even want to pull in the parking lot.