Jim Jay's BBQ & Catering-Palm Bay- 0.5-Stars
When a name comes up on my restaurant generator if I have never heard of the place (and let's face it, even as big as I am and as much as I eat, there is no way I know every place on the Space Coast), I go in blind. What I mean by that is that I do not google their name or look them up on any social media. I just plug the address into my GPS (Hey! I made a rhyme!), point the BBDO mobile in the appropriate direction and hit the gas. After my experience at Jim Jay's Barbecue in Palm Bay, I am rethinking that strategy...
Driving there I had to pull over and double check the address and GPS as I was driving down a long-forgotten section of Palm Bay Road. Dilapidation had set in here and dug its roots deep, threatening to never release the tendrils torpedoing the exterior of each building I passed. At least Jim Jay's lot looked clean and inviting. However, once I stepped inside and heard the sorrowful sound of a microwave door closing followed by the unmistakable noise of food getting nuked, my stomach returned to the pit in which it had sunk on the way here. Hoping it was at least better than Bubba's Backyard BBQ, I apprehensively approached the counter. Standing behind the said counter was none other than Jim himself. Jim is a gregarious outgoing fella with the charm of your favorite Uncle. Finding him pleasant enough, I began to question him on the menu. While everything certainly sounded delicious I couldn't forget the sound of the microwave in the back I heard upon entering and while hesitant to order, did so knowing I might very well be about to take another one for the team.
I asked Jim Jay for an order of his "almost famous" Beef Brisket sandwich, a Pulled Pork sandwich and one 1/2 rack of ribs. As I did so, Jim Jay commented that he would have to defrost the brisket and all I could think of was, "ugh, this is gonna suck." I began to sample the ordered fare, I soon realized just how much this place sucked. the Beef Brisket was of such low quality, thawed in the microwave and had more gristle than meat. It was inedible. The Pulled Pork was actually slimy (I am sure from being frozen, then nuked) and the 1/2 rack of ribs were on par with the Brisket and inedible as well. Try as I might it was all I could do to find any edible meat on the ribs. The sauce seemed to be artificially colored and had the unmistakable taste of industrialization.
One of my staffers asked me how I could eat out three times a day noting that I order several items in order to get a wide variety of samples from an eating place. I told him that I usually only take a bite or two out of each item and box the rest. That was the case here as well. However, this is where it gets really interesting. Returning home with the boxed fodder from Jim Jay's, I was about to toss it all in the garbage when my cleaning lady said, "Wait! I will eat it." I tried to explain just how disgusting it was, but she insisted on taking it home. Upon her return the following week, I asked her what she thought of the food she took home. She told me that it was so horrid that she decided to give it to her dogs and that they REFUSED to eat it! I found that hard to believe, but she assured me that the dogs took one sniff, a tentative tongue tasting and trotted away. This BBQ was so bad that not only did dogs declined to eat it (and let us not forget, some dogs have even been known to drink from toilets--gross, but true!), I have to say, it was way worse than Bubba's Backyard BBQ and I never thought I would say that in a million years. This is Monster Swill. I am sure prisoners in the Bastille got better slop than what Jim Jay is slinging. Back to my opening remarks, I had my lackey google Jim Jay's before I wrote this review and they informed me that his FB page had not been updated in 6 years. In this day and age, if an establishment is lacking on Social Media, it just might be an inclination of the services they provide, in this case, it was. It told me that they don't care at all about the dining public and the swill slung by Jim drives that point home with a gristle filled pair of tongs.
The Big Boy says, "Don't. Just don't. Not in a million years, unless he gets rid of that cursed microwave and uses fresh meats!" #bigboydiningout #iamthebigboy